The Porn Myth, by Naomi Wolf
In the end, porn doesn’t whet men’s appetites—it turns them off the real thing. This story featured NYMag.comToday, real naked women are just bad porn ... Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own...At a benefit the other night, I saw Andrea Dworkin, the anti-porn activist most famous in the eighties for her conviction that opening the floodgates of pornography would lead men to see real women in sexually debased ways. If we did not limit pornography, she argued—before Internet technology made that prospect a technical impossibility—most men would come to objectify women as they objectified porn stars, and treat them accordingly. In a kind of domino theory, she predicted, rape and other kinds of sexual mayhem would surely follow.
The feminist warrior looked gentle and almost frail. The world she had, Cassandra-like, warned us about so passionately was truly here: Porn is, as David Amsden says, the “wallpaper” of our lives now. So was she right or wrong?
Not Tonight, Honey. I'm Logging On.: Internet porn is everywhere; even "nice" guys are hooked. So where does that leave their girlfriends? By David Amsden (October 20, 2003)
The New Position on Casual Sex: The rise of Internet dating has brought a sexual openness (not to mention one-night stands) to the younger generation not seen since the seventies heyday of Maxwell's Plum. But can there be too much of a good thing? By Vanessa Grigoriadis (January 13, 2003)
She was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training—and this is having a huge effect on how they interact.
But the effect is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention.
Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!”)—possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?
For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.
For two decades, I have watched young women experience the continual “mission creep” of how pornography—and now Internet pornography—has lowered their sense of their own sexual value and their actual sexual value. When I came of age in the seventies, it was still pretty cool to be able to offer a young man the actual presence of a naked, willing young woman. There were more young men who wanted to be with naked women than there were naked women on the market. If there was nothing actively alarming about you, you could get a pretty enthusiastic response by just showing up. Your boyfriend may have seen Playboy, but hey, you could move, you were warm, you were real. Thirty years ago, simple lovemaking was considered erotic in the pornography that entered mainstream consciousness: When Behind the Green Door first opened, clumsy, earnest, missionary-position intercourse was still considered to be a huge turn-on.
Well, I am 40, and mine is the last female generation to experience that sense of sexual confidence and security in what we had to offer. Our younger sisters had to compete with video porn in the eighties and nineties, when intercourse was not hot enough. Now you have to offer—or flirtatiously suggest—the lesbian scene, the ejaculate-in-the-face scene. Being naked is not enough; you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax—just like porn stars. (In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.) Pornography is addictive; the baseline gets ratcheted up. By the new millennium, a vagina—which, by the way, used to have a pretty high “exchange value,” as Marxist economists would say—wasn’t enough; it barely registered on the thrill scale. All mainstream porn—and certainly the Internet—made routine use of all available female orifices.
The porn loop is de rigueur, no longer outside the pale; starlets in tabloids boast of learning to strip from professionals; the “cool girls” go with guys to the strip clubs, and even ask for lap dances; college girls are expected to tease guys at keg parties with lesbian kisses à la Britney and Madonna.
But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated—or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.
The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy. The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, and how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman. Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.
So Dworkin was right that pornography is compulsive, but she was wrong in thinking it would make men more rapacious. A whole generation of men are less able to connect erotically to women—and ultimately less libidinous.
The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.
“For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”
After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.
Other cultures know this. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time. In many more traditional cultures, it is not prudery that leads them to discourage men from looking at pornography. It is, rather, because these cultures understand male sexuality and what it takes to keep men and women turned on to one another over time—to help men, in particular, to, as the Old Testament puts it, “rejoice with the wife of thy youth; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times.” These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.
And feminists have misunderstood many of these prohibitions.
I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. “Can’t I even see your hair?” I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. “No,” she demurred quietly. “Only my husband,” she said with a calm sexual confidence, “ever gets to see my hair.”
When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband—the kids are not allowed—the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day—in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman’s hair.
She must feel, I thought, so hot.
Compare that steaminess with a conversation I had at Northwestern, after I had talked about the effect of porn on relationships. “Why have sex right away?” a boy with tousled hair and Bambi eyes was explaining. “Things are always a little tense and uncomfortable when you just start seeing someone,” he said. “I prefer to have sex right away just to get it over with. You know it’s going to happen anyway, and it gets rid of the tension.”
“Isn’t the tension kind of fun?” I asked. “Doesn’t that also get rid of the mystery?”
“Mystery?” He looked at me blankly. And then, without hesitating, he replied: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sex has no mystery.”
I saw a graphic a few weeks ago on the internet, in fact I'm attaching a copy of it. It shows "Bible ladies" with big huge boobs exposed, and oblivious to their nudity (which is totally absurd). I've seen other images, one had a woman drawn completely naked with a gift bow around her mouth. Old stereotype, "woman's place to be seen and not heard".
I want you to take a good look at the lie in this little graphic. Women (in western society dressed (make that undressed) provocatively, and their minds are "elsewhere" -- the old AIRHEAD STEREOTYPE of women, i.e., "women drivers" -- not even aware of their nudity. As if women in western society casually go around naked with huge silicon boobs, and totally oblivious to their nudity -- this image is totally stupid. (The viewer sure is aware of what they're looking at, but their brain doesn't connect with "reality" -- the women in the drawing are too stupid to realize a thing about appearances).
What does an image of this nature, say about female intelligence?
Does it reinforce gender stereotypes? I think it does. I know it makes me, a woman, angry.
Is this ignorance really what men want? I mean, a woman too stupid to know she's naked, would be too stupid to hold a job which requires more than an IQ of 72 --right about mentally retarded. How would she be smart enough to know to put on clothing to go to work? Cognitive dissonance. Men want 'em stupid, for their fk*d stupid "superficial fantasies" --at a distance --- but smart enough at home, to earn half. You can't have both! The male brain is divided in its confusion, and it sends a very conflicting message across to women. They don't want a woman smart enough to be aware of her sexuality... not easily aroused. They don't want a woman who is self-aware. That's right, women are suppose to be passive and allow the male to be the aggressor... unassuming, keeping things peachy and neat, for the man's convenience. The woman is indifferent. Which ties into #2 -- they do not want a woman who has a sex drive stronger than their own. It intimidates them. The male is *suppose* to be the aggressor. Society says so! A man who is passive, is often accused as a homosexual -another evil stereotype of western society.
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"Lady Liberty" in a famous 1830 painting -- out on the battle field, a woman is leading an army holding a flag high in the air, and a breast exposed (intentional on behalf of the artist, knowing these pornographic images appeal to the audience) He knows it and the audience knows the breast attracts attention --- but Lady Liberty is not allowed awareness of her own nudity (or sensuality) -- the image is sexual, in a subtle manner, but as society has it, she is *required* to be oblivious. Or, she's not quite a lady.
She's a whore! if she realizes she has breasts and moved somehow in her intellect at the realization.Meanwhile, take note of the young man on the left, staring in horrified amazement at a young man his own age, dead, and his private parts exposed for all to see. Does the artist show those male private parts? It's apparently humiliating for men to have their sexual parts exposed -- but Lady Liberty (center) is not given the same rights as man, the freedom from exploitation... she is not suppose to be aware of her body -- it should be an open book for men to freely explore - unaware, though everyone around her would be. The viewers of this famous painting would automatically be drawn to her naked breast. Are we so ignorant of the subtle messages in society? The messages have even been expressed in art, since centuries!
I repeat: The boy is aware of nudity [in fact, horrorstricken].. Lady Liberty is not.
Are women by nature, born more stupid than men? Or, are messages like these meant to keep the stereotypes alive, and women in their proper place? passive, unassuming, lack of awareness to their environment including their own body... unaware of the danger ... unaware of the danger testosterone presents to women. Man sees naked woman, man is liable to rape woman. Man wants it to stay that way. AT HIS CONVENIENCE.
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You notice the women in the drawing are too stupid to even recognize the nudity of the women around them?? Is this CONCUBINAGE or just OLD FASHIONED POLYGAMY?
OR RATHER, IS IT JUST PLAIN STUPID?
When Absalom had sex with David's harem, those women were locked up and never had sex with any man until their death. Women are suppose to lack a sex drive, (or so it's assumed by men). Woman was merely the field a man plants his seed in! Therefore if a woman is confined her entire life to abstinance, it's indifferent. Just as long as he can find more virgins to fulfill his needs. Women are suppose to be passive, unassuming -and there at the man's convenience. Woman should have no desires, no ambitions, no aggressions. Only that man is allowed to.
2Sm:16:11: And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him.
2Sm:16:21: And Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Go in unto thy father's concubines, which he hath left to keep the house; and all Israel shall hear that thou art abhorred of thy father: then shall the hands of all that are with thee be strong.
2Sm:16:22: So they spread Absalom a tent upon the top of the house; and Absalom went in unto his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel.
2Sm:20:3: And David came to his house at Jerusalem; and the king took the ten women his concubines, whom he had left to keep the house, and put them in ward, and fed them, but went not in unto them. So they were shut up unto the day of their death, living in widowhood.THAT IS SOME POWERFULLY INSPIRED BULL.
But how did David die?
Did David die in widowhood?1Kgs:1:1: Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.
1Kgs:1:2: Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.
1Kgs:1:3: So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.
1Kgs:1:4: And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.But, as it's always been, women are mere sex objects... there at the MAN'S leisure and convenience
"I wish these same individuals could sit in my chair as I listen to some of their spouses cry bitter tears of resentment about the various sex acts they have been subjected to in the name of their spouse's definition of healthy intimacy. These clients often report feeling manipulated and coerced into participating in sexual behavior that their spouse wanted, but they did not. These are, perhaps, some of the more subtle sex crimes that will never see prosecution, a courtroom, or an indictment. These crimes are emotionally and physically abusive but often fall on deaf ears" . . . One client even reported she would have preferred a one-time traumatic experience with sex from a stranger than have over ten years of being subjected to perverted sex from her spouse who was being influenced by pornography.Just a few years ago, women were fighting law enforcement to take spousal abuse seriously.
That is how men viewed women. "You are his property."
YE OLD DOUBLE STANDARDS
Keeping Women In Their God-Given Position
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The Altarpiece of the Lamb, Hubert and Jan Van Eyck, 1432, Belgium "Adam and Eve were among the few subjects that permitted Northern artists to represent the nude [...] Eve is an imaginative re-creation based on contemporary ideals rather than on observation of a live model. The small, high breasts and bulbous abdomen are Gothic styliztions. The emphasis on the large abdomen stresses the role of childbearer assigned to women in the fifteeth century. Source: Prentice Hall, Art Past, Art Present, Wilkins, Schultz, Linduff |
YE OLD DOUBLE STANDARD
I need to emphasize:
The art historians admit that a live model (real man) was used for Adam's physique but for Eve a live model was not used, rather "fiction, fantasy, ideal body" (in this case to impress upon women their bodies should be used for one purpose --breeding babies).So, women's bodies are suppose to "evolve" every century with whatever propaganda is being churned out.
So it was said about Barbie, the doll was created to "show young girls how to look" --not necessarily that most girls would ever look that way.
So many women lined up to get pregnant back in ye old days -- today they're lining up at the plastic surgeon's office.
Men tell women what to be, and women passively try to please. From birth on, society trains woman for her position of inferiority. If woman cannot achieve said goals, then she heads into an emotional break-down. It's hard to "wish" for the perfect double d breast, and your breasts don't grow by simple wishing... but that's all a woman has to appease a man. Nobody is scoping over the man's body, telling him to "grow two inches by your mere will". It cannot be done. Genes dictate physical features, including intelligence. Outward appearances or physical attractiveness, do not dictate higher intellect. There's lots of beautiful people who are dumb as a door nail. Including the double standard of airlines who hire a fat-ass captain to fly their plane, but if a stewardess gets 5 pounds overweight -- she loses her job. Simply, the airline company is wanting to make their customers "comfortable". Never mind that it's sexist discrimination --society still caters to the male. So it was in the days of Biblical Barbarity. When man owned slaves and concubines by the score. We've not came a long way baby.
Saint Jerome:
"I am aware that some have laid it down that virgins of Christ must not bathe with eunuchs or married women, because the former still have the minds of men and the latter may present the ugly spectacle of swollen [pregnant] bellies. For my part I say that mature girls must not bathe at all, because they ought to blush to see themselves naked."Tertullian:
"God's sentence hangs over the female sex, and His punishment weighs down on you. You are the devil's gateway. You first violated the forbidden tree and violated God's Law. You shattered God's image in man. And because you merited death, God's Son had to die."Augustine:
"How can woman be the image of God? ... Woman, compared to other creatures, is the image of God, for she bears dominion over them. But compared unto man, she may not be called the image of God, for she bears not rule and lordship over man, but ought to obey him."Thomas Aquinas:
"Woman is defective and misbegotten. For the active power in the male seed produces a perfect male likeness. A female comes from a defect in the male seed, or some indisposition, such as the south wind being too moist."John Knox:
"Women are weak, they are frail, impatient, feeble, and foolish. They are inconstant, they are cruel, and lacking of spirit, and counsel. Woman in her greatest perfection was made only to serve, and obey men."Martin Luther:
"Men have broad shoulders and narrow hips, so they have intelligence. Women have narrow shoulders, and broad hips to sit upon, so they ought to stay home, keep the house, and raise children. The woman differs from the man. She is weaker in body, in honour, in intellect, and in dignity."and...
"Take women away from their house-wifery, and they are good for nothing. If they get tired, and die from bearing children, that is no problem. They are made for that."
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"In Sleeping Venus, the technique emphasized the delicacy and softness of the body. The landscape setting removes the figure from the more erotic setting of a bed, and by representing Venus with her eyes closed, as if asleep Giorgione encouraged the male patron and his friends to observe her beauty without embarrassment." Men have came a long way since that time in 1510. Men can now go to peep shows and nine times out of ten look without blushing, thanks to the numbing effect Pornography has had on them. |
Men are a very CONFUSED gender (and its contagious, confusing women out of their wits, how to feel or act)
Here's the sum of all the knowledge a man will ever need about women:
It would spare society all those awful spams pushing their snake oil, loading the inboxes...
Why is this so difficult for a man to understand?
Women are pretty basic. Simple to figure out.But, I'm not confused.
Read the Bible, everything from man taking many many -- TOO MANY wives, to men saying "cut it off for Jesus"...
There's a balance between the extremes and men cannot figure this out?
#1 --I don't want other women in the picture.
#2 --I need it a hell of a lot worse than Jesus does.
My blog on Breasts and Double Standards. (Contains some nudity).
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Article last updated October 22, 2005
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